I am trying to update my blog while my seven month old is attached to the boob, nursing like a ravenous wiggle worm. This has proven to be quite impossible. Little legs are kicking me as I punch in the keys one-handed making me have to backspace constantly. No wonder it takes me forever to do anything these days. I want this space to be about all the things I create and do, but let's face it, the more I try to complete something the farther away I feel. I can't get it together making me feel like a failing daydreamer.
My inspiration is hanging by a thread, a straggly, old, decrepit piece of thread that I found by mistake in a haphazardly packed box at the thrift store. How do some of these "bloggers" do it? I am trying to figure out how to juggle kids, home and creativity so they are all in harmony. Right now, all I can juggle is a box of mac n cheese and a game of uno. I find myself at times thinking "oooh, I so want to make that" or "oh man I would love to be able to paint that" or my favorite "what do I want to be when I grow up?" Maybe an illustrator, own my own fabric store, possibly a farmer, hmmm how about an illustrator who lives on a farm selling fabric she designed herself from her cute little shop in town. Something, anything. Don't get me wrong, I know that staying home with my three little ones is a blessing, but I want to be something. Something that is all mine, something to call myself when the kids are grown and out of the house. That "thing" is what I am in search of and that "thing" scares me.
I have taken a few moments to collect my thoughts and have put the baby down to complete this entry. All I can hear is his squealing from the living room while rolling around the floor like a tumbleweed in the breeze. I will spend the next few moments writing and thinking. I will try my hardest to obtain something that is all mine. Go back to school, get a job and start painting. That will be my thing for right now. I will cross my fingers and close my eyes and manifest this dream of mine even if it takes me a long, long time. I will overcome my fears slowly and find the light I am in search of. I am a procrastinator and a daydreamer with no conviction, this is something I hope to correct. This is me.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Feeling grateful for so many things. Every evening the kids and I sit around the dinner table telling each other what we are grateful for. I love hearing the different things each of them come up with depending on the mood. Gavin almost always is grateful for being alive. So much love I have for these amazing kids. When we feel the need to write it down and keep that thought forever we add it to our gratitude garland. My favorite part of the day is watching them get so excited when it is their turn.